First off: what/who is an energy vampire?
An energy vampire is a person that feeds off of your emotional and spiritual/psychic energy.
‘Energy Vampire’ is a term that is used to describe a person that drains others emotionally.
These ‘vampires’ are not to be confused with the blood-sucking, large fanged vampires of common folklore, no.
They appear perfectly healthy and normal and often times are ; however people who display vampire traits often lack empathy and to a certain extent, emotional maturity.
There is also a sense of inflated importance to their well-being with little to no consideration of yours and also, a lack of boundaries.
Meaning, what they want and/or need from you? Whether it is your time, your ear, your energy…they will get it!
They are determined because consciously or unconsciously they are looking for you to fill a void within their soul, their psyche.
Remember they do not seek to drain you emotionally and they do so unwittingly, but it does happen.
Oh yes, this is a real phenomenon and the more empathic and sensitive you are the more likely you are to experience this.
You must put your boundaries up or you will lose yourself in their troubles and become off center.
How do you know if you are dealing with an energy vampire(s)?
First off, just know that they suck and they suck and we allow it because we feel bad, we are nice, we want to be there for them etc. Before you know it, the dynamic is created due to expectation.
They disarm your natural defenses and somehow you feel responsible for their well-being .
You know this is unhealthy because it does not feel good!
With every interaction with the person (or people) you will feel it in every fibre of your being.
You will feel drained in their presence and exhausted after spending time with them, yet they receive a surge during and after interacting with you, a high even.
Even if at a distance, connecting with their energy via phone you often become exhausted, moody and even angry. Emotionally depleted.
Yes this is how you know you have become the host for their supply.
Now, we all have people in our lives that we go to when we are in need of an ear or shoulder to cry on. This is totally normal and healthy.
There are also those that we would set aside hours on end for if they need us but it is different as the exchange feels equal and it is not always expected or constant.
You are also able to separate when necessary with these connections and there are no expectations.
Remember you cannot be the constant host for anyone’s emotional or spiritual supply!
With energy vampires, it is never enough.
They may call you incessantly and leave messages, if you don’t answer within a reasonable time frame for them they will continue to call/text or become angry with you for not being accessible.
They never stop and think you are unable to answer because you are busy with your own life/work/family, or you are unavailable for whatever the reason because remember, they often lack empathy.
When you do give your energy it just keeps going because they just want more, they need more. The more you give? The more they will seek to get.
Usually these exchanges center around them and their current reality. Every now and again you may get “and how are you”?
By this point, you are so exhausted that you don’t share much, if at all.
If you do begin to share the energy thief may act disinterested and unengaged, continuing to bring the conversation back around to them. Or even worse and my biggest pet peeve? They talk over you.
So what can you do if you recognize you have or are being ‘vampired’?
You must recognize that you played a part in creating this dynamic, ok? Good, now it’s time to instill some boundaries.
First and most obvious, limit your time with them.
Decide if this is a person you truly love and enjoy or just feel obligated to do so. Sorry to sound harsh here but this is truth as you can love someone and wish them well, yet not really enjoy their energy.
If you value the relationship it may be hard to vocalize what you are feeling in a tactful manner, so it’s best to slowly put the boundaries up.
However you need to do this is exactly what you do.
Put some healthy distance and pull the focus back on you as you have likely been neglecting yourself. This is not selfish!
When you feel up to it, you can give your energy but set a time limit for it in your head, or just point blank tell them.
“I would like to chat but I only have a a few minutes” goes a long way!
If you care for the person and would like to maintain the relationship but with boundaries in place, you must find a healthy way to deal with this because they will likely not change.
Another way of coping is by not getting angry and instead, shift it to a loving vibration where you recognize that they do value you very much and on some level? They really respect you but may not know any better.
Lastly, one of my favorite techniques is by using crystals with properties specifically for protecting our energy and our auric field.
Black tourmaline is my absolute favorite for protecting and deflecting any negative energy or vibes around you or towards you.
You can either wear a piece of jewelry with this stone, or buy a small piece to wear somewhere on your body.
In my world, the left side takes in energy as the right side puts it out. So I like to wear the tourmaline on my left side as to protect what I take in.
Hematite is another great stone for grounding and shielding. This is a pretty, grey stone that is also found in black. I find the grey to be the best to wear on both sides.
Malachite and Rose Quartz are two fantastic heart-centered stones that will remind you to keep all of this in a loving and compassionate vibration.
Most important is this: do not feel guilty as there is nothing negative about protecting your energy.
Trust me, this is a constant struggle for me as an empath/sensitive. We want to always be there for everybody, but we must take care of ourselves first and we cannot help everyone all the time!
One last tip- do not force yourself to go anywhere or be with anyone that is toxic for your mental and physical health!
It does not matter how ‘obligated’ you feel as there are always ways to minimize, or avoid altogether.
If you are feeling guilty just remember: they will not change behavior, but they will change hosts.
Remember, it is not selfish to protect your peace at all costs.