*The original date of this post was April 13, 2020, enjoy.

Loss is hard, no matter what.

Death is an inevitability of life and so….final.  Nothing can ever go back to the way it was when a loved one passes, and this is what makes it so difficult.

Every holiday, every anniversary, every milestone, is changed forever.

Hanging on to the good times is all that we can do, to honor and cherish their presence in our lives, and the memories.

To be grateful and thankful for the times we had with them.

Last week we lost an Aunt who was very close and very special to our family.

Aunt Carol was 98 years old, God Bless her and sharp as a whip. She was my Grandmother’s sister, and did not have any biological children.

Aunt Carol was always with us, and to be honest she was like another Grandmother to my siblings and I.

I had a particularly close relationship with her, as I was the first girl after a crew of boys. We had a tight bond, she was my person. Ok, I will say it and my siblings would all agree: I was her favorite . In fact, my Grandmother (rest her soul) used to make it a point to openly share “you are Aunt Carol’s favorite, and your sister is mine”. Thanks Granny😄 !

All of my memories as a little girl include Aunt Carol; she was always there.

One of my fondest memories of her was when I was seven.

I had to have my tonsils and adenoids taken out and I was terrified.  “What if I don’t wake up”?  This was my constant question and fear. You see, I was born with a slight heart defect, so anesthesia can actually be dangerous for me. This gave me a lot of fear as a child, and she would reassure me often, that I was ok.

This time with the surgery looming was no different. The night before I was an anxious little mess. Aunt Carol came over our house and consoled me to sleep promising me that I would be ok, and as you can imagine, I made her promise me about twenty-five times!  She also promised she would be at the hospital as soon as she could.

When I woke up from the anesthesia, naturally I was confused.  I vividly remember, however, Aunt Carol.  There she was, right at my bedside with red jello (my childhood favorite) in hand, ready to feed me.

She was like that, always there for me no matter what.

I realize as each day passes how very lucky I am, we all were, to have had her for this long.  Still, my heart hurts and I am sad.  I will miss her tremendously and already do.

I will continue to reflect upon all of the good, because that will keep her memory alive. I will always remain grateful and aware, of how lucky I was to have had her in my life. I feel her through the fierce bond I have with my own niece, and it always reminds me of the bond I had with Aunt Carol.

About yesterday.

Even though I know she is in a better place and at peace, I needed a sign.

Yesterday (Easter Sunday) I got outside for a run.  As I was running a little butterfly flitted in front of my face….it was a white one, very common right?

I started thinking of Aunt Carol and I started talking to her- I said, and I quote “Aunt Carol, send me an all blue butterfly so I know you got there ok”.

I asked for ALL BLUE specifically, because how often do we see an all blue butterfly? Well, other than as an emoji on the iphone!

Later that evening I sat on my couch and opened up my laptop… and this is the first thing I see. (Press play).

A National Geographic ad with a swarm of blue butterflies!

I have no clue why or how that ad was on my laptop. I wasn’t on their website earlier, it just wasn’t logical. *Note, if you try to click on the video, it is not there. I kept it here on purpose because believe me, I have really searched the internet for it to add it back to this post … it is as if it no longer exists! Let me tell you, it worked when I first put out this post in 2020 so this is even more validation, that this was specifically for me, from Aunt Carol 🦋.

What is even more amazing to me, is the sound of the birds chirping that were in the background of this video.

Sweet Uncle Joe who was Aunt Carol’s husband, passed in 2010 and he loved birds.

In fact, he is the reason I love birds so much.  Together with our binoculars, we would watch the birds and it was one of my favorite activities as a child (“pee pee birds” I used to call the little birds and Uncle Joe would crack up).

That was Aunt Carol’s way of letting me know that not only did she get there?  She is free and with Uncle Joe.  

When I saw this I got the chills and a blanket of warmth simultaneously, up and down my body. The tears welled up and a huge smile broke across my face.  I was filled with peace.

Remember you can always ask for signs, but you must be open to how and when they show up. The spirit world does not operate on our timetable! Time is linear, and they will show up in their own time.

Conveniently? It is always when we need them the most, even when we don’t realize it.

May you all receive signs, and feelings of peace and validation when they arrive.