*The original date of this post was April 13, 2020…enjoy.

Loss is hard, no matter what.

Death is an inevitability of life and so….final.  Nothing can ever go back to the way it was when a loved one passes, and this is what makes it so difficult.

Every holiday, every anniversary, is changed forever.

Hanging on to the good times is all that we can do, to honor and cherish their presence in our lives, and the memories.

To be grateful and thankful for the times we had with them.

Last week we lost an Aunt who was very close and very special to our family.

Aunt Carol was 98 years old, God Bless her and sharp as a whip.

She was my Grandmother’s sister, and did not have any biological children.

Aunt Carol was always with us, and to be honest she was like another Grandmother to my siblings and I.

I had a particularly close relationship with her, as I was the first girl after a crew of boys. We had a tight bond.

Ok, I will say it and my siblings would all agree: I was her favorite 😆.

All of my memories as a little girl include Aunt Carol.  She was always there.

One of my fondest memories of her was when I was seven.

I had to have my tonsils and adenoids taken out and I was terrified.  “What if I don’t wake up”?  This was my constant question and fear.

She promised me that I would be ok and I made her promise me about twenty-five times!  She also promised she would be there as soon as she could.

When I woke up from the anesthesia I was confused.  I vividly remember, however, Aunt Carol.  There she was, right at my bedside with red jello (my childhood favorite) in hand, ready to feed me.

She was like that, always there no matter what.

I realize as each day passes how very lucky I am, we all were, to have had her for this long.  Still, my heart hurts and I am sad.  I will miss her tremendously and already do.

I will continue to reflect upon all of the good, because that will keep her memory alive and keep me knowing how lucky and thankful I am to have had her in my life.

About yesterday.

Even though I know she is in a better place and at peace, I needed a sign.

Yesterday (Easter Sunday) I got outside for a run.  As I was running a little butterfly flitted in front of my face….it was a white one, very common right?

I started thinking of Aunt Carol and I started talking to her- I said, and I quote “Aunt Carol, send me a blue butterfly so I know you got there ok”.

I asked for BLUE specifically, because how often do we see a blue butterfly? Well, other than as an emoji on the iphone!

Later that evening I sat on my couch and opened up my computer…I open facebook and this is the first thing I see. (Press play).

A swarm of blue butterflies.

What is even more amazing to me, is the sound of the birds chirping in the backround of this video.

Sweet Uncle Joe who was Aunt Carol’s husband, passed in 2010 and he loved birds.

In fact, he is the reason I love birds so much.  Together with our binoculars, we would watch the birds and it was one of my favorite activities as a child (“pee pee birds” I used to call the little birds and Uncle Joe would crack up).

That was Aunt Carol’s way of letting me know that not only did she get there?  She is free and with Uncle Joe.  

When I saw this I got the chills, teared up and a huge smile broke across my face.  I was filled with peace.

Remember you can always ask for signs, but you must be open to how and when they show up. The spirit world does not operate on our timetable! Time is linear, and they will show up in their own time.

Conveniently? It is always when we need them the most, even when we don’t realize it.